Doors of Perception
- dorispops
- Apr 20, 2022
- 2 min read
I have this novel idea that my kind of experience of psychosis, and probably some other people too, is the expansion of the mind. My 'doors of perception' go wide open and I see the nuances of the world I usually haven't experienced. I thought ma first psychosis was in 2015 when I was hospitalised because I was doing some really stupid things. But actually the first one was 7 years before that. In 2008 my perception of reality changed permanently within one moment in a park when I started seeing the immense beauty of the world, seeing the glowing energy fields surrounding trees, people, houses... basically everything has it. For years I walked around and just stared the beauty of the physical reality. So elegant, so fine, so everything. Now it is not as intense anymore and I don't notice that much, because I am used to it, though there are still moments of dumbfoundedness. This beauty has been my solace.
And now, if we take this very big change of my perception of the world in 2008, and look it from the 'psychosis' view point, it does not make any sense. I have had 24/7 lasting psychotic hallucinations for 14 years? Even while I have been on antipsychotics 7 of these? Also I can choose to look out these 'hallucinations' when I want... or not. These energy fields are like chairs basically. They are always there, you just have took. It DOES NOT make any sense what the psychiatry says about experience like that. Therefore I am pretty sure that 7 years later my mind made a bigger expansion but I was not able to handle it alone anymore. There was technically no need for hospital or medication, but I had wounds and traumas which made me unstable, no teacher and all in all I did need help which psychiatry was able to provide.
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