Limerence&Extra Imperfect Writing

Jesus fckn Christ was that an experience. It's like with psychosis - limerence is an extra interesting experience but it 'costs'... well little less than psychosis usually but still a lot.

What is limerence? In essence you have an imaginary relationship with someone. I also resonated a lot with the definition that you have an involuntary obsession with someone. It is pretty spot on as well. The defining core for limernce is fear of actual intimacy. Limerent person feels a lot better with the imaginary version of the person than actually having a connection with him. In fact the reality of what the obsession really is, might be quite bothersome for the limerent because it threatens the imagined version of him.

The limerence experience I am talking about now is not the first one for me. It has been my pattern through whole life. I just didn't realise it and no limerence experience had been for me as 'clear cut' than this. That is the reason why I am absolutely fed up with this 'pattern' or experience. I have had enough of this sh*t.

:D

Nevertheless, there is a lot of positive to take from this experience because it shows you what you really want. In my case it also showed how powerful my imagination is. That is why my experience was slightly psychotic as well but not full psychosis. In fact, in the past I think I have jumped into full psychosis with limerence. Honestly I thought about visiting psych hospital also this time and I actually wondered "when will he send me to psych hospital" and was kind of surprised he didn't "push" me into psychosis. Like I said, that's how it has gone usually.

The odd thing about limerence is that you just can't 'control' it. You might be consciously observing yourself and see everything you 'should or should not do' or say but you do it anyway. A little bit like psychosis - once it's started the process must be walked through. It must get 'worse' before it gets better. You have to walk through all your fantasies before it ends. Like with psychosis experiences limernce has thought again to trust the experience.

In my case I didn't even want to start. I was literally pushed into it by Universe, Higher Self, Shadow Self(subconscious) and it took a lot of time actually before I really gave into it. “There is always some madness in love. But there is also always some reason in madness.” Nietzsche. I would not call limerence love but quote definitely describes well limerence. I can honestly say I have no clue who my obsession really is as a person. I have the ability to see quite a lot but not when I look for what I want. Not true really, it was like 'sober psychosis' and I saw very well. Just you can get only so far by observation.

Understandig, emapthy, kindness, sensitivity was something real and that was the trigger for me when it came to my limerencee. I was really thirsty for it and didn't even realise it. That is why things like limerence come - to bring you awareness about yourself. It actually tries to heal you and you may see your limerencee as a healer. Also life is meant to be experienced and everything has that value as well.

That is to say - enjoy your limerence til you inevitably get sick of it :D and then look for different experiences.