Perspective on Psychosis

I have written previously on Immortalodyssey about how I see my experiences with psychosis. But now I have a bit different perspective, which also contains previous, but is from different place.

Mind's Game

I think psychosis is extremely individual experience for everyone. What applies for one's psychotic reality may not apply to other's. I think I have come to realise the gist of why I absolutely refuse the reality of certain situations and have jumped into the madness to get what I wanted, because that is how I believed I would get it. At the heart of the(my) psychosis is a wound that gets activated by certain circumstances and then the denial of reality and creating your own reality to the level of going into psychosis is one way to react to it. The "game" that mind then puts on is amazing. In a twisted way I can say that through psychosis I have seen how powerful mind can be... in my case it puts everything in the game to get what it wants. It literally bends reality. Traditional rules do not apply. The reality is very fluid and you can't consciously control the 'process' once it's started. Only how you react to it. Not even by going to psych ward for "safety". Not even there, traditional rules of reality "start working" before the process is over. I don't know what the mind does, but it is really frickin powerful.

So what do I experience?

• Synchronicities - Tons. Impossible to miss or regard as 'coincidences'. Two maybe, but not 20.

• Relevant information - For some reason how some important information comes to you is kind of like psychic. It fits in places later, maybe long later after the psychosis.

• Different parts of you come out - Aspects of yourself that you don't usually embody get to express themselves. You get to know unknown parts of yourself. I don't think you are 'not yourself' because you are psychotic but you are in different aspect of yourself, which can be e.g. twisted from pain, trauma or something else, be talented or just some part ignored. Either way, it needs to be integrated with the 'real you'.

• Paranormal - I don't care what others say, I experience paranormal things. Not everything. There are hallucinations, mind plays tricks on you, but not everything. I don't say everybody experiences paranormal, but I do. My mind expands during psychosis and is much more open to the whole spectrum of the reality.

• Healing - Realisations through going through emotions and thoughts coming up previously unacknowledged.

• Madness - Doing random stuff thinking it's meaningful, making non-existent connections, feeling-hearing people that are not there, fake intuitive signs, saying stuff to people that doesn't make sense or should not say, think you are connected to person you are not, delusional love, delusions, fake visions, confusion, uncertainty.

Answers & Solutions...

It's a complex experience. Now imagine experiencing it all at once and handling this reality... with grace. Separating delusions from actual information, hallucinations from actual events, real intuition from false, being amazed of tens of synchronicities, at the same time processing old traumas and emotions ... I don't think anyone who has not experienced it for themselves is really in a position to tell me what that reality is about. Unless they somehow have an actual understanding why this experience is like it is, but it is not going to come from current psychiatry. Which has helped me a lot and I am still on psychiatry road, love my doctor, take diligently my medication, am grateful for everything. It is still a dis-ease. Medication has been, still is necessary, also stays in psych wards which I have sought out myself, but it's not where ultimate solutions and answers lie for me. I am not saying the case is same for everybody.

Modern psychiatry is way too limited to be able to even grasp the whole reality of the mind. It's not like I know everything about the 'whole reality' of the mind, or even close, but the simple fact that modern psychiatry is based on science, which denies the existence of "paranormal" and psychic phenomenons, cuts them off of a big junk of reality and therefore makes it unable to adequately assess my experience in it's full magnitude. Therefore I have to keep looking for my ultimate solutions and answers elsewhere. Psychiatry has some answers, certain kind of solutions, but I have different vision, different worldview about how things are 'solved' for me and what is possible. Of course I continue using psychiatry's solutions as long as I don't have actually viable alternative. Maybe I won't find it at all, but I am looking for it.