Tarot Cards II- Shadow Work
- dorispops
- Jul 11, 2022
- 4 min read
Updated: Jul 13, 2022
Like I said in my first Tarot Cards post, my intention with Tarot cards was to hone my intuition aka get a closer connection to myself. But I absolutely didn't see where it was going to lead me to - shadow work. Actually, when regarding my intentions, it only makes sense that I was led to shadow work, because it is, in my estimation, the ultimate place/process how you can best get to know yourself, create a better connection to yourself. Getting to know the parts you have repressed, unowned, denied etc. Noting here, that our shadows contain unowned negative as well as positive aspects of ourselves. Concept 'shadow work' comes from the term 'shadow self' established by Carl Jung. Term describes the unconscious parts of the personality that our conscious ego doesn't want to identify in itself.(1)
Incubus - Grand Opening
Because I didn't know how to do Tarot readings safely, for myself, an incubus got through to me. It's a demonic being who feeds on your life energy. I didn't recognise it's presence for a long time. The bed was slightly vibrating, but I thought it was traffic or someones washing machine or I was imagining it, till one day I decided to get to the bottom of it. I called a healer/psychic and she told me what it was. The minute I made the decision to get rid of it, it started attacking me 24/7. No more "peaceful distant vibration". I made my room energetically very clear and myself, to weaken its power and tried to survive till I got to healer/psychic who was able to remove it from my energies. It was quite hellish, I had no peace nowhere, but now that I think back, maybe I should have tried talking to it peacefully. I was told that just talking to incubus doesn't help, but who knows. Maybe it was attacking me because it wanted my attention for some reason, to solve something, but I was too scared and misread the situation. I don't think it was an accident that it got through to me via using Tarot cards and that is how I met one of my biggest 'shadows'.

Rainbow of Shadows
Incubus was only the beginning. The first night after the incubus had been removed, I still felt something was in my bed. I could not believe it. Was the incubus STILL there? But no. After few months I realised they were my old emotions, had taken the form of transparent beings walking around in my bed. Beings with different 'personalities'. After I realised what they were and made a contact, they dissolved. But this realisation took a really long time, so I slept with my "cats" long enough. I knew it wasn't psychosis. Psychosis called thing is a whole another game.
After old emotions vanished came bigger beings vibrating under my bed. These were personality parts of myself to connect to. There were creepier kind of beings/mes as well in my bed, I sometimes tried to send them away and what not, because I thought they might be some strange creepy beings, but in the end they were always parts of myself and the solutions was making the connection and then they vanished.
The way to make a connection for me is talking. They never talk back, 'beings', but they are 'me'. I am talking to myself, so I know exactly how they feel and what they actually want - not in the beginning- but as I open myself to them/me, them/me opens themselves/myself to me. If it makes any sense.
In Flesh and Bones
It might seem hard and tricky to deal with invisible mute shadows walking in your bed at night or vibrating below it, with no prior preparation, and it is, but not as hard as dealing with your shadows in human form. I walked into that shadow work and it knocked me out. I had never met anyone as triggering as this person. I didn't realise for several months what I was dealing with, that it was shadow work again. Until last second I didn't realise he reflect me vital parts of myself I didn't own. It was so wonderfully strange how the establishment of connection happened the same way as with my transparent beings. Actually the happening of connection was not my intention, but since I had opened myself, I guess it inevitably happened that the "part of me" opened as well, 'mirroring'. Even though I really had not wanted him to do that, somehow I also knew that he would. Then I saw through the situation between us and parts of me were integrated. All in all it was a very complex process for me, I wanted to give up many times, but I am glad I made it.
Shadow work process has not ended. As far as I understand it actually never ends, but guess there are more active periods than others. There may still appear some 'beings' that I haven't figured out. Might meet whoever on they way. Definitely very interesting process, not at all pleasant often times, but prizes are high.
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https://www.scarymommy.com/lifestyle/shadow-work
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